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First Series of Explosive Art

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#1Tatsumi Mitsuki 

First Series of Explosive Art Empty Tue Jul 18, 2017 8:14 pm

Tatsumi Mitsuki




Starter Spells



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Name: C1: Peregrine Missile  
Rank: D-rank
Mana Cost: 25
Requirements: Explosion Art!!!
Type: Offensive, AOE
Element: Earth
Range: 5 Meters
Cooldown: 1 post
Duration: Instant
Effect: A purely offensive spell the user shapes and infuses a wad of clay into the shape of a bird, which is about the size of a pigeon, with some features varying. The user then animates the construct which then flies towards a target and then explodes upon contact, the bird will also cause an explosion after the construct's been touched or when the construct has reached over the maximum distances of five meters, the user can also use the 'katsu' command to cause the construct to explode. But once the construct has reached the max distances, the caster can no longer command the construct to explode. The explosion of the construct has a diameter of 1 meter affecting anyone within the radius, it deals d-rank bludgeoning damage, and knocks the target back 1 meters.

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Name: C1: Bomba Bat
Rank: D-rank
Mana Cost: 25
Requirements: Explosion Art!!!
Type: Offensive
Element: Earth
Range: 5 meters
Cooldown: 1 post
Duration: Sustain
Effect: An offensive spell designed to test the defenses of his opponents. After infusing and shaping the clay into round bat shape constructs, about the size of a tennis ball. The caster then throws or drops the constructs, which then animates and flies towards a target. After the constructs touch or when the construct have reached over the maximum distances of five meters, it will then explode. The user can also use the 'katsu' command to cause the construct to explode. But once the construct has reached the max distances, the caster can no longer command the construct to explode. The explosion has a diameter of 1 meter affecting anyone within the radius, it deals d-rank bludgeoning damage, and knocks the target back 1 meters. Only one bat construct can be constructed, and then fired per post.

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Name: Flashing Beatle
Rank: D-rank
Mana Cost: 25
Requirements: Explosive Art!!!
Type: Supplementary, AOE
Element: Earth
Range: 5 meters
Cooldown: 1 post
Duration: 1 post
Effect: The purpose of this spell is to give Tatsumi the chance to hide or escape. After infusing a wad and shaping a wad of clay into a beetle like shape, which is about the same size as a turtle, with some of the aesthetics of the construct varying. The construct is then thrown or dropped towards a target or direction. The beetle will then explode once it comes into contact with the target or the ground, or when it reaches 5-meters. The caster can also command the construct to explode by yelling 'Katsu' however, once the construct is over 5-meter it becomes null. The explosion has a diameter of 1 meter, reducing the sight by 10% of everyone within the radius which is caused by emitting a marvelous light.



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Name: C1: Landmine
Rank: D-rank
Mana Cost: 25
Requirements: Explosion Art!!!
Type: Offensive, AOE
Element: Earth
Range: 5 meters
Cooldown: 1 post
Duration:Sustain
Effect: An offensive spell designed to make multiple secret explosions. The caster infuses and then molds the clay into three beetle shape constructs, animating the constructs, the caster then hides the constructs within a 5 meter range, for later use. Only one land mind can be detonated per post, theses explosions can either be set off by either contact or command however, once Tatsumi reaches the maximum d-rank spell distances they become null. Each landmine has a explosion diameter of 1 meter and deals D-rank blunt damage to anyone caught within the radius.



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Name: Hide like a Mole
Rank: D-rank
Mana Cost: 25
Requirements: Explosion Art!!!
Type: Supplementary
Element: Earth
Range: 5 meters
Cooldown: 1 post
Duration: Sustained
Effect: After consuming infuse clay a blue aura would form around Tatsumi, he will then create a tunnel that will allow him to get from point A to point B. He will then create a tunnel by creating a hole, that he will then jump into, and then tunnel his way towards one direction. He can make a tunnel that will take him to a different location 5 meters away from his former location. While he is in the tunnel the caster moves at his own speed stat.






Last edited by Tatsumi Mitsuki on Sun Jul 23, 2017 7:13 pm; edited 7 times in total

#2Aether 

First Series of Explosive Art Empty Tue Jul 18, 2017 9:09 pm

Aether
Please don't make spells unless/until your application (and therefore your magic) is approved. Putting this on hold for now. Also, please use the proper template, yours seems to be in the wrong order.

Note: Don't respond to this/bump this.



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#3Aether 

First Series of Explosive Art Empty Thu Jul 20, 2017 8:32 am

Aether
Hello Tatsumi,

please note that your spells are on hold pending further deliberation from staff. We will get to you as soon as possible, thank you for your patience.



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#4Tatsumi Mitsuki 

First Series of Explosive Art Empty Thu Jul 20, 2017 8:50 am

Tatsumi Mitsuki
Take as much time as you need, or well you guys?
If there is anything I am doing wrong just let me know though ^.^

#5Aether 

First Series of Explosive Art Empty Sat Jul 22, 2017 1:33 pm

Aether
Hello Tatsumi,
I'll be your moderator.

First and foremost, this is simply a suggestion. You could make your spells a lot simpler and "easier" and quicker to understand by leaving out unnecessary fluff in regards to the visual description of the spells, especially when you already have a gif/picture for it. I also highly suggest that you run this through a spell/grammar check. You seem to have been copy and pasting a lot and there are a few awkward mistakes in the way you described things. Fix them, so they are actually understandable.

Also, I need you to remove all references to burning damage. Change all the dimensions of your AoE’s to 1meter diameter (and not 1m3). All the dimensions should be stated in meters in general, just for the future.


  • C1: Peregrine Missile:
    Please note that the bird will cause an explosion after it is being touched or after it traveled the max. distance (which is the 5 meters of range), and not just at your own whim. Also, please lower the knockback to 1 meter rather than 2.

  • C1: Bomba Pellets:
    Please change the mana costs to 25. Also, I think you might be aware of this but having damage, especially so little like 1/6 D rank damage split hardly does any damage at all and wouldn't exactly make this spell very useful, since you would have to throw all 6 pellets into the same spot to get the 1m diameter AoE that does actual D rank damage. Also, please state that for a person to get knocked back 1 meter, they would have to come into contact with the explosion of all 6 pellets at once (for the D-rank effect).

  • Flashing Beatle:
    Check for spelling mistakes (first it's a beetle, then a bird?), change duration to instant. Remove "AoE" from type. Please change the dimensions of the smoke bomb explosion to 1m diameter. Remove that you can blind people, this is only a D rank spell and would reduce the vision/sight of opponents for -10%. No knockback as well. It explodes either upon contact with a target/ground or when the max. distance (5 meters) is reached (please add that as well, next to your command).

  • C1: Landmine:
    You cannot have 3 landmines which can all move up to 5 meters away as that would enable you to cover a massive AoE. Explosion can also happen based on contact (with a target) or after a certain duration (please add this). They also can’t leap towards the target (since that’d be an autohit), they would explode right there and then and would each deal ⅓ D rank damage. The diameter of the explosions would be 1/3m diameter each and the knockback would only be 1 meter.

    This spell cannot be sustained unless you are only using 1 landmine at the start. That, or you state that only 1 landmine can detonate per post (would deal full dmg and whatnot). Then you can sustain it for 3 posts (or longer) until all three are used up.

  • Hide like a Mole:
    I suppose for him to step through a hole it would have to be bigger than 1 foot. Remove all mentions of speed, state that he would not simply disappear, he would jump into the hole and move underground, where he dug a 5 meter long tunnel into 1 direction. Also, rather than closing the hole I suppose he would have to have two holes at the start and at the end, so he can go in and go out, or else he would be stuck there, so please make mention of that. Please state that the entire time you would be moving at the speed of your own current speed statistic.

    If there is something I misunderstood about this spell, feel free to enlighten me!



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#6Tatsumi Mitsuki 

First Series of Explosive Art Empty Sat Jul 22, 2017 5:43 pm

Tatsumi Mitsuki
I believe I have made the corrections, replaced bomba pellets with bomba bats. At first I intended it to be that way, but then I decided to change the spell completely.

Fixed some grammatical errors, planned to do that but I was afraid that if I did the corrections before grading, it would lead to some more complications.

#7Aether 

First Series of Explosive Art Empty Sun Jul 23, 2017 5:09 pm

Aether

  • C1: Peregrine Missile: Approved!

  • C1: Bomba Bat:
    You mentioned in your description that the maximum range is 5 meters, which is correct, but for range you actually put 7 meters. Just change that to 5 meters and you'll be good!

  • Flashing Beatle:
    Please state that the sight of targets is reduced by 10%.

  • C1: Landmine:
    You can remove this: "however, once Tatsumi reaches the maximum d-rank spell distances they become null"
    You only need to state that the beetles have to be hidden somewhere within a 5 meter range, that is all.

  • Hide like a Mole:
    Please state that inside that tunnel you move at the speed of your own speed statistic.

Bump when changes are made.

Note: If you ever decide that, while in the middle of a grading progress, a spell doesn't turn out the way you want it to be due to the ruling of the site, you can always change it completely anytime for as long as this is still being worked on. The moment I approve your spells and move them, you can no longer change them and are stuck with them, just fyi. So don't worry about changing spells, as long as you notify your moderator to avoid confusion. ^^



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#8Tatsumi Mitsuki 

First Series of Explosive Art Empty Sun Jul 23, 2017 7:14 pm

Tatsumi Mitsuki
I think I have made the corrections? If so then any recommendations on how to start?

#9Aether 

First Series of Explosive Art Empty Mon Jul 24, 2017 4:17 am

Aether
Congratulations, these spells have been approved.

Code:



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