This was originally going to be titled 'a step back', but in the interest of fairness (as I already took my step back in July and haven't been around much since) this seemed more honest.

I don't really know how to say this, so I will just try this: I don't know why the site is allowed to propagate its current OOC dynamic, which is exhausting to downright malicious, with little to no intervention and constant bad faith loops. It feels bad to be around. It wasn't that way for my first few months here, and then it was, and it's remained, and it hasn't gotten better. I've shared this feeling with friends on the site privately, as I left the main Discord awhile ago but remained in all of my Guild ones, and every time I try to sit down and go "okay, maybe things are better now! Maybe everyone's stopped being weird and tried to be a little nicer!" some new asinine drama crops up that makes everything feel shitty all over again and really cuts back at any enthusiasm I could build.

It often feels targeted towards certain members on the site, to the point that I've had long conversations about the explicit bullying I see from an outside perspective, and further disenchantment with the lack of anyone doing anything about it. I want to be fair about this! I really do! It's not easy to keep everyone happy: it's an impossible task. But it feels like happiness isn't really a concern at all in favor of rocking the status quo as little as possible, while people - everyone, including your very own staff members - are allowed to say whatever they want to anyone they want with very much no outward response.

The passive aggression alone would be one thing, but there's often outright low filter direct aggression and -- It's nasty. It feels bad. I said that, but I can't underline enough how unhealthy and unhappy the place becomes in tides. It's mentally taxing. I originally only stopped writing a little because I had more work IRL I had to tend to, but I found myself not even making the effort to check back in or trying to pick back up because ... well, this happens, and people are mean, or rude, or bullying someone, or fighting over something that could not matter less on the fairy tail roleplay forum, and I'd feel bad all over again. It's been really rough!

The problem is that this doesn't matter, either. It can't be that serious. The fact that people are a little mean or judgmental on a hobby site isn't that big of a deal. I spend most of my time outside lately and can really see how much all of the drama and bad blood and instigation and mechanical angst here doesn't matter: but recognizing that only makes it feel worse, because if this doesn't matter - if it's not serious - then why do people take it so seriously in a callous direction, rather than laughing it off and complaining less? I honestly don't get it. I really liked this place, and I really adore the friends I've made and the people I've talked to, but I've come to my wit's end at 'trying' to feel like people don't just want to be mad, and I don't really want to put that effort in anymore either.

I'll definitely still keep tabs because I want this to succeed and everyone to get along or at least be less outwardly at odds, and I don't mean anyone any ill will at all - I just wish things sucked less OOC. The site is really good. I hope it improves. I'm definitely not writing here anymore until it's more like it was when I joined. Please be kinder. Thank you.

I'm sorry that things have gotten to a point where it bothers you like this.
It's disappointing to me on many levels, not least because I had been hoping to cultivate some RP connections with you?

That being said, I'm not going to ask or pressure you to stay since I've been on enough sites which make me feel bad to know it's better to get some distance rather than try to stick it out? This will certainly be a loss for the site IMO, but if it helps you feel better then that's still a win, and frankly you owe us nothing.

Please remember that the doors to my DM's will always be open if you want to talk about the stuff that has or is bothering you, or even if you just want to to talk about anything? I've treasured the conversations we've had, and hope that one day circumstances align to see you back here again?

You will be missed, Briar.

Hey Briar, if you ever decide to come back, you are very welcome to roleplay any stories you’d like with me. Hope to see you again soon.